


Questions and Answers

by miss_aligned



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Mass Effect 3, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 01:27:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6833242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_aligned/pseuds/miss_aligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In order to rebuild what they'd once had, the two human Spectres take a night off to reconnect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Questions and Answers

“My turn, huh?” Kaidan hummed as he finished pouring another glass of wine for himself and his company for the evening. They’d settled in the observation lounge and left any and all datapads, reports, and incoming transmissions at the door. Tonight, they’d agreed, there would be no work if they could help it. This was a time to relax and talk, a small attempt to make up for years of unsaid words and lost time. He and Shepard had managed to turn it into something of a back and forth game, asking difficult questions without judgment, fear, or anger. It had proven to be a formidable but necessary and rewarding exchange, all things considered. The longer they went, however, the tougher the inquiries seemed to be. “Would you have shot me on the Citadel if I hadn’t backed down first?”

Shepard chuckled quietly at that one. “You know, Garrus asked me the same thing just after it happened. I think he was concerned for my mental health. Too close for his comfort, maybe.”

“He’s not the only one,” Kaidan dryly responded as he glanced in her direction with a playful glimmer in his eyes.

“No,” Shepard said at last. “I would never have fired. Had you taken much longer to decide what to do, though, I would have forced you to shoot me.”

“I know,” he nodded and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “And then Garrus would have shot me and… well, it would have been an even bigger mess.” He made a joke of it, but Shepard could tell that it had been bothering him. She hoped that her true answer might allay his fears.

“Did you regret ever having been with me once we met on Horizon?” She was surprised that she managed to get the question all at once, as a lump had instantly formed in her throat. She certainly didn’t want to hear the answer, but she felt as though she needed to know.

His eyes narrowed for a moment as his gaze shifted from the glass in his hand to the stars beyond the window. “No. Never,” he answered. There was a certain pain in his voice that made Shepard regret asking, though she felt some invisible weight lift from her shoulders. “I was angry and confused, but I wouldn’t have traded what we had back then for anything. I do wish, though, that we’d had the chance to talk it out earlier. Like, before I said… well, you know. You were there.”

“Oh yes, I was there. I remember.” Before she’d found him on Horizon, she didn’t know how much pain mere words could cause. There was a true and agonizing lesson learned that day.

“What were you really thinking when you decided what to do on Virmire?” His brow furrowed as he asked the question, as though bracing himself for the answer. They both had painful memories of that place, and though time had passed, they both clearly still carried losses with them.

Shepard sighed. She’d thought about that one countless times in the years that had passed. Even in her dreams, she could hear Ashley’s voice calling out to her. She supposed that it would never be something she could fully overcome. She swirled the glass idly, watching the dark liquid spin for a few long moments while she searched for the right words.

“I decided that I’d go for you first and then figure out what to do for everyone else along the way. I honestly thought that I could save everyone. I was so cocky and naive. Why wouldn’t the first human Spectre be able to come to your rescue? And Ashley? And Kirrahe and his men? Of course I could. I could move fast enough. I was strong enough. I was special. It never crossed my mind that I would run out of time. I didn’t realize until later that I’m only human.”

Kaidan didn’t seem to know what to say to that. He merely wrapped his arm around hers, interlocking their fingers and gently squeezing her hand. When she tore her gaze away from the liquid still swirling in the glass, she found his eyes locked on her. There was no anger, pity, or resentment in those amber depths, but rather a profound look of acceptance and understanding. Her heart thrummed in her chest at that moment because she hadn’t seen that expression in a very long time. A literal lifetime ago.

A smile swept across Shepard’s lips as she snuggled up close to him and rested her head on his shoulder. Virmire would always be painful to talk about, but somehow admitting her mistakes out loud and Kaidan’s understanding made it much easier to accept.

“So… when you first saw me.” She chuckled. Thinking of Ashley had her reliving numerous silly conversations she’d had with the gunnery chief. The woman had loved to gossip, especially about Kaidan. “Did you love me?”

“No.” His answer had come so fast that Shepard was taken aback. His tone was still quiet and distant, like he was reminiscing, but that did little to stop the frown that tugged at the corners of her mouth. Kaidan leaned forward and set his glass aside, disentangling his arm from hers, finally resting his elbows on his knees as he stared out at the stars. Her jaw hung open as she tried to figure out what she wanted to say. That hurt.

“…but I knew I wanted to,” he added at the last possible moment, smirking over his shoulder at her.

It was Shepard who leaned forward this time, setting her glass on the table so hard it was probably at risk of breaking. She didn’t know if she wanted to hit him or kiss him. She shoved him roughly back onto the couch, then swung her leg over him with surprising speed and fluidity. The smirk hadn’t left his lips as his gaze traveled slowly upwards from her body, now straddling him, to her face. She cupped his cheeks with her hands, bowing her head over his and slowly leaning down towards him. “Think you’re pretty smooth, Major?”

His breathy laugh sent a delicious shiver down her spine. “No, but it seems to be working,” he muttered against her mouth before silencing any protestations with his lips.


End file.
